Menu
Hey, all. Depressed here. Yeah, I don't really do updates on my own website that much. I'm not sure if I'll ever get around to doing that, but I guess I should just say what's going on here just in case you don't follow me on
Twitter or you're not someone that has to put up with me on my own Discord server. Usually, I don't give way to many details about my personal life and at this point, there are still things I'm not sure when or if I'll share. Anyways, lately I've felt a lot more depressed than usual. First of all, I keep failing in college so I've gotten to a point where I can't take any more classes unless I wait a year and even then my chances of getting back in aren't very high. Whenever I do fail, I just end up with my dad yelling at me and then it turns into a back and forth between the two of us, usually with me pulling hair out. And my dad has the nerve to claim I wasn't even trying. If I hadn't even been trying I wouldn't have shown up to class during the week I was sick, and there was an assignment I was required to physically be present for two days and if I missed any of those days, I'd pretty much be screwed for that assignment. This happening over and over is part of why I'm do damn depressed these days. Because of this, I feel a lot less motivated to do anything. To make things worse, I don't actually have a real job right now and my parents love to shove that fact in my face. Just recently, I was relaxing like everyone else was at home and was in voice chat with a few friends on Discord while playing a video game and my mom walks in and wants to pick a fight with me because someone we both know had written and published a book and she asks me why I'm not doing stuff like that. As I said before, I'm not feeling motivated to do stuff but like usual, she blames video games and says it's because I'm playing them all time even though I play them a hell of a lot less that I used to. My parents have a really bad habit of making me feel like crap, but even if I explain it to them it goes right over their heads. I know this because I've tried more than once. My mom may have come in to have a talk with me one day after a sermon at church about parenting and talking about how she knows she's not the best part but the next time that happens I'm really not gonna want to hear it because I know damn well she'll go back to being the same terrible person she's always been. I've gotten to a point in my life where I don't know what I should do or even what I want to do most of time and my parents aren't really helping out. Just making me feel even worse. At this point, I don't really know the fate of my projects. I still intend to release Fixing Things some time this year but the possibility of it being delayed to 2020 does exist. I have another one of my shorter visual novels that I already said was coming out this month. I hope it'll still be this month, but for all I know it could be pushed back to next month. There's also the story I started writing that I mentioned in one of my last posts on here. It's been in progress for a while. The planning started in 2017 but I didn't get started on the story for real until last year! I've written over 300 pages so far in Microsoft Word 2003 with size 15 font. Originally, I took a break from writing it so I could focus on college stuff, and look what good that did me. Now I'm feeling to depressed to pick it back up. Sometimes I'll open the document, but it only lasts for a short period of time. Hopefully, I can get back to being serious about writing this because I do have ideas that I want to go through with: plot twists I look forward to writing, but I'm just not sure how I'm going to execute all the ideas I have. If people weren't making me feel so bad and I didn't screw everything up, maybe I'd be more motivated to work on the damn thing! Sorry for the rant, I'm just far from the best I've been lately.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
December 2023
Categories |